What can we do?
We've given blood, donated money, and raised our flags. We've hugged our
kids and made an effort, at least, to return to normal life. But the restless
anxiety, the enveloping sadness, and the insidious distractions have returned
us to our routines-as comforting as they are-feeling distant and
detached.
This is something most of us have never had to
face. We are sad. We are mad. We are scared.
And moms are in a unique position. Our powerful
sense of empathy and compassion allows us to envision it all. In our minds,
we are in the smoke-filled staircases, on the airplanes, in the rubble. Even
if we had no direct personal connection to any of the events, the emotions
are raw.
At the same time, we moms strive to embody a
supreme sense of security. We stay informed so we can keep our kids safe.
And we stay calm so we can keep their psyches safe.
We must comfort our children and give them peace.
But first we must find it.
"Within yourself lies the cause of whatever
enters your life." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
The energy around here is far from comforting. Everywhere you go, a negative
energy buzzes like a fluorescent light bulb, emanating grief, anxiety,
fear.
I try to ignore it. I try to take it all in without
letting it out, but it finds its own escape. My 2-year-old starts to brush
my hair, and I feel like I'm going to jump out of my skin. She has a routine
temper tantrum, and I want to come unglued. I'm exhausted by 10 am. Nothing
in my world has changed, and yet nothing is the same.
There are a few universal truisms, however. Certain
things that never change. And these are the things that I cling to this day.
One of these truisms, I believe, is the idea that what we think about and
focus on, we get more of.
That means that if we focus on doubt, anger,
and fear, we're more likely to attract those things. Worry brings doubt and
distrust. Fear brings demoralization and debilitation.
Fear divides. When we feel peace, we sense a
connectedness to all things. When we allow fear to take over, we immediately
clamp down and embrace only that which is ours. Our worldview constricts.
We exhaust ourselves.
Likewise, when we focus on peace, trust, light,
and love, we attract and experience more peace, trust, light, and love. And
we send more into the world for others to attract and experience, as
well.
I have an experiment for you to do, just for
today. If it doesn't work, you can go back to your regular routine
tomorrow.
Today, consciously work to infuse the world with
positive energy. You can do that by infusing your world--your microcosm--with
positive energy.
Today, take control of your thoughts, one thought
at a time. When you are faced with a decision, ask yourself if it will increase
the amount of peace and love in the world.
Here's what that means for me.
Be an Energy Gatekeeper
Commit to fight your own fear and anger. Commit to consciously replace fear
with trust. Despair with hope. Darkness with light. Anger with action.
You alone decide what kind of energy enters your
life. You decide what kind of energy, images, and emotions you allow harbor
in your mind. You can control your thoughts and the direction of your
energy.
For me, that means I turn off the news. When
I watch the coverage of this tragedy, I inevitably get sucked in--as though
the next guest, the next commentator, the next expert, is going to provide
an answer that is finally going to explain the why so that it makes sense.
But more words only introduce more grief and anxiety.
I read an article recently that explained how
many young children don't understand the repeated images they see on TV.
When kids watch the same plane penetrate the same building, over and over
again, they may think that many, many buildings are falling to the ground
and that many, many planes are on a course of destruction.
When I watch repeated clips of the events, I
don't think my mind understands it either. Television is so visceral. If
it has that kind of power over you, turn it off and rely instead on the newspaper
or an online news source. Doing so may help you to dismiss the rumors and
rely on the facts, which may diminish a tendency to catastrophize, too.
Choose carefully the words you use when you talk
to yourself about the tragedy and the events that are to come. Consciously
replace the negative thoughts and words with something more positive.
Sometimes it helps to repeat a simple mantra:
"peace," "love," "trust," calm." To recite a comforting quote, a favorite
hymn, or a verse from scripture (see sidebar). If you have young children,
replace the lyrics of their familiar songs with comforting words. Sing Psalm
56:3 ("When I am afraid, I will put my trust in You,"), for example, to the
tune of "The Farmer in the Dell." Dr. Peggy Jenkins has compiled some wonderful
ideas for using music in such a way in
The
Joyful Child: A Sourcebook of Activities and Ideas for Releasing Children's
Natural Joy.
Share Your Energy
The events of September 11th have called attention to the extraordinary
interconnectedness we all share. Today, use this interconnectedness to
heal.
Close your eyes and visualize the brightest light
you can imagine--the force of love--enveloping the disaster scenes, the tired
rescue/recovery workers, the victims and their family and friends. Visualize
it enveloping the moms and dads, grandmothers, and grandfathers and all the
kids who are frightened today. Visualize it enveloping the White House, the
military bases, the friends and families of people who go forward to fight
for our cause. Visualize it enveloping the frightened women in war-ravaged
Afghanistan and the victims of terrorism throughout this world.
Bathe them all in this concentrated light and
love and pray that some of that peace finds its way into their hearts.
Practice Small Kindnesses
Through it all, take good care of your children and yourself, just as you
did before September 11th. Practice small kindnesses. Offer a simple smile
and compassionate words. John Watson said, "Be kind, for everyone you meet
is fighting a battle." This is certainly true today.
Make it your personal mission to spread the peace
and love in your own heart to everyone you meet today.
Help someone through this difficult time. Contact
a member of the military and their family and lend your support and prayers.
Find an online support community-one that is intimate and accepting (and
if it's not, help to make it so). Organize a childcare co-op with other moms
so you can be by yourself, if you need to, to cry, to pray, to journal, to
think.
Call your family and friends to see how they
are coping with the events. If they need your shoulder, strive to listen
without judgment and do your best to spread peace and hope into their hearts.
If they begin to catastrophize, steer the conversation back to one of
comfort.
Today, the world remains draped in negativity.
Make it your goal and your role to replace it with as much positive energy
as possible.
If you sink back into the cycle of negative energy,
gently remind yourself to return. And take it one step at a time. You need
not look past this very moment. Ask yourself: Are you coming from an intention
of love and peace right now? Give peace to someone, love to someone,
right now.
Positive energy is cyclical. And it is what the
world needs right now.
Let it begin with us.
Copyright (c) 2001 Susie Michelle Cortright / Susie Michelle
Cortright is the author of More Energy for Moms and the founder and publisher
of Momscape.com - a website devoted to helping moms enjoy motherhood.
http://www.momscape.com
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