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Romance & Relationships
Needs
We all have needs--physical, emotional, material and
spiritual. Having your needs satisfied gives you the freedom to live happily
and comfortably. Unmet needs leave you hungry and wanting.
Your ability to recognize and take care of your needs has a direct connection
to the kind of people you attract and the quality of your relationships.
When single, the extent to which you recognize and take care of your needs
influences your ability to choose and attract well-suited partners. When
you do not recognize and meet your needs, potential partners see these needs
as your defining characteristics. Those who are not needy will see your needs
and scatter. Only those who do not meet and recognize their own needs will
be attracted to you.
At the same time, the haze of unmet and unrecognized needs can cloud your
judgment. When a potential partner strongly meets one of your main needs,
you may discount a lack of other important qualities, which will ultimately
make the relationship impossible. This is one way people end up in relationships
where there is more anger than love.
In a relationship, even if you are unaware of your needs, your partner will
still pick up on them. If you are not taking care of your needs and/or are
not directly asking for what you need, your partner may feel manipulated
and become resentful. This pattern can become the beginning of the end of
the relationship.
In order to have a healthy, satisfying relationship, you must be able to
clearly recognize your needs and find ways to get them met outside of the
relationship. This last part is almost a radical concept in our culture.
Most people think being in a relationship will get all their needs met, so
why should they find a way to have them met outside the relationship?
It's true that some of your needs can be met in a relationship, once the
relationship is established. An established relationship is one in which
both people have been together for a significant amount of time -- six months
or longer. It is a relationship in which both people are committed to being
exclusively together.
Even when you are sure you have an established relationship, you must be
able to meet your needs when necessary. Your partner will not always be able
to do so.
Recognizing your needs
----------------------
Below are examples of some, but not all, of the needs you may have:
=> Physical, the need for...
* touch
* shelter
* nutrition
* rest
=> Emotional, the need for...
* safe space
* being liked
* being esteemed
* being wanted
* respect
* being right
* being loved
* independence
* comfort
* companionship
=> Material, the need for...
* "stuff" (your own definition)
=> Spiritual, the need for...
* connectedness
* trust in something greater than self
* inspiration
Did you find some of your needs on this list? What other needs can you add?
How to meet your needs
----------------------
Notice that the emotional needs make up the larger list. It is our emotional
needs that we most often neglect and diminish. These are the needs that,
when unmet, get in the way of your ability to have the relationships you
desire.
Often people feel bad about having certain needs, such as to be right or
to be wanted. Although they try to suppress these needs and pretend they
don't exist, others are acutely aware of them. Unmet emotional needs always
leak out in behavior.
Our own emotional needs are the most difficult to satisfy. People frequently
believe their partner or friends are obligated to meet their emotional needs.
In truth, no one has any obligation to meet your needs, but your partner
or friends are likely to help you if you ask them.
Physical needs are sometimes ignored in our fast-paced desire to succeed.
When it comes to taking care of ourselves, we do as little as we can. This
causes our emotional needs to become amplified. One way to meet your emotional
needs is to take care of yourself physically.
Spiritual needs are often ignored altogether -- we pay homage to them only
in word and not in deed. A spiritual connection with a higher power can go
a long way to helping you see and meet your emotional needs.
Summary
-------
As you can see, emotional needs are the driving force behind most of our
needs. Almost every other need can be reduced to an unmet emotional need.
Meeting our physical, material and spiritual needs can help us feel satisfied
emotionally.
Identify your needs and be creative and resourceful in how you take care
of yourself. Once your needs are met, you will be able to create the great
life and relationships you desire!
Your Relationship Coach,
Rinatta Paries / www.WhatItTakes.com
(c) Rinatta Paries, 1998-2001. For more than a decade, master certified
coach Rinatta Paries has been inspiring and coaching men and women to attract
and sustain healthy, long-term relationships. Having coined the term
"relationship coach," Paries shares her expertise each week in her free ezine,
the Relationship Coach Newsletter. Visit
www.WhatItTakes.com to subscribe,
or email help@whatittakes.com to
learn how to become a "true love magnet(tm)!"
MORE RELATIONSHIP
ARTICLES...>>
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